More Like a Love Letter

Think of this site as a letter to someone.

As you read it, you may discover that it feels very much like a letter to you.

This is the kind of letter that has been spoken into my life over decades through many different people. God has used some beautiful people in my life to shape everything I’ll share with you here — both the good and the painful parts.

You may also discover that this letter is not to you.

That’s okay.

You may still find gifts in it if you keep reading, but remember that it’s someone else’s mail. Take what blesses you and let go of the rest.

But if you discover that this letter is to you, I hope you’ll hear in it an invitation to join me and my “mission crew.”

It’s a mission that will feel new in some ways and as old as time itself in others. My hope is that we can network together, encourage each other, and support each other from around the globe.

And I suspect I’ll learn just as much from you and your mission as you learn from mine.

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So Who Is This Letter To?

Oh how I hate labels.

A label is a quick way to reduce someone’s identity to a category. Often it’s used to dismiss people who make us uncomfortable or challenge our assumptions.

Living and traveling around the world — and coaching a diverse network of leaders — has convinced me that God created people with extraordinary diversity. None of us fit neatly into simple categories.

So I say this with some hesitation.

This letter is written to a group of people often called “the Dones.”

The Dones are people who have stepped away from the traditional institutional church but have not walked away from Jesus.

They are different from the “nones,” who claim no religious affiliation.

Many Dones still pray.
They still read Scripture.
They still follow Jesus.

Some even gather informally with other believers.

But they no longer participate in formal church structures, programs, or institutions.

And there are far more of us than most people realize.

Sociologist Josh Packard estimated in his book Church Refugees that roughly 30 million Americans fall into this category. Studies from Pew Research, Barna, and PRRI suggest that tens of millions of people who once attended church regularly no longer do.

And it’s difficult to imagine that number did anything but grow during the COVID years. And events of the last year or so don’t seem to be helping either.

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The Black Sheep of the Church

There are many reasons people become Dones.

Some reasons are deeply personal.
Some are theological.
Some people simply wanted more of Jesus than they were able to find in church programs.

Some felt like they never fit.

Some asked too many questions.

Some were treated like disappointments, embarrassments, or troublemakers.

Some experienced very real verbal, emotional, spiritual — and sometimes even physical or sexual abuse.

Many people who walked away were treated as if they were the problem.

If you’ve experienced that, I want to say something clearly from the very beginning.

You are seen.
Jesus sees you. And so do I.

You are loved.
Perfectly by the Father, and imperfectly by me and my tribe.

You belong.
Jesus will always invite you to His table.

You matter.
To the King of Kings and to the global Kingdom of God.

You are not alone.
You have joined what may be the single largest spiritual demographic shift in modern history.

And one more thing.

If you were made to feel like the problem…

You’re not the problem.

In fact, I believe you may be part of the solution.

If you choose to be.

OK, you’re turn. Engage with us. Here are some questions. We’d love for you to share your thoughts!

1. When you read the idea that this site is “a letter to someone,” did it feel like it might be written to you? Why or why not?

2. Labels can reduce people and dismiss their experiences. When have you seen labels used in the church or society in ways that oversimplify or harm people?

3. Many “Dones” still follow Jesus but have stepped away from institutional church structures. What do you think are some of the biggest reasons people make that decision?

4. Some people became “black sheep” because they asked too many questions or didn’t fit the system. Why do you think institutions sometimes struggle with people who challenge assumptions or structures?

4. People who were made to feel like the problem may actually be part of the solution. What might it look like for “Dones” or “black sheep” to contribute positively to the future of the church or the mission of Jesus?